Minds

The signs are so clear to me now. Yet a month ago, if you had told me I was drifting too close to that edge, I wouldn’t have believed you.

When you hear stories of students spending time abroad, it’s usually rife with the rich experiences, stories of the amazing people met, and endless adulation about their adventures. What you don’t always hear about is the homesickness that can pervade.

At age 25, I'm hardly an adult. But boy am I grown up compared to who I was in college. If I could go back in time, I'd have quite a few things to tell my former self, and save a lot of stress, time, and energy.

My mother saw in my brother a carbon copy of herself; every side-eye and negative comment was an echo of offensive remarks made about her own behavior as a child. Whenever my brother got into trouble for his disregard for authority or bad attitude, my mother saw it as a victory: My brother wasn’t just sticking up for himself, he was sticking up for my mother.

I have never judged Kimberly for her decision. After all, I too have found myself at a point where I was not immune to such thoughts. I may not have delved into the same level of heaviness she did, but I have brushed up against it. I

I am NOT saying that clean eating in and of itself is bad. I am saying that clean eating becomes bad when people confuse morality with it… which they often do: “I’m good if I eat 'clean' and I’m bad if I don’t.”

You were on the back burner — I thought you were Type 2, manageable, no big deal — which goes to show just how deeply I’d slid into denial. But there’s no denial here anymore. Just statistics and medical terms floating around in my brain, reminding me that I can’t afford to forget you, that you’re too “severe” for that.

I wanted to keep people at a distance. I wanted sympathy and validation. I believed that I was inherently unworthy. However, lately, I’ve begun to change my mind — or rather, it’s started to change on its own.