Maddy Moon

My biggest nightmare came true. I gained weight.

I am NOT saying that clean eating in and of itself is bad. I am saying that clean eating becomes bad when people confuse morality with it… which they often do: “I’m good if I eat 'clean' and I’m bad if I don’t.”

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I would wonder if others saw me as “super healthy” or as a “fit chick” — or if they had those thoughts at all. I was constantly consumed with every minute detail of my lifestyle, wondering if it was going to take me closer or further away from my ideal body.

Avoiding intimacy with food can lead to numerous food-related issues such as mindless eating, overeating, eating without enjoyment, and distracted eating. So how do we create intimacy with our food again? How do we, in a sense, make love with it by being fully and completely present?

Unlike happiness, joy is not dependent on circumstances and external factors — joy is the truest form of contentment and it is everlasting. That being said, it's still something you have to practice daily.

Recovering from any disordered eating struggle will bring situations of discomfort, but you can also find beauty. This is my recovery from fitness modeling.