mental health

[CN: cutting, dissociation, auditory hallucinations] I struggle with the need to have physical, visible proof of my inner world. That’s when I realized tattoos can replace my scars. I can reinterpret what my scars stand for and transform them into something beautiful, something worth remembering.

At age 25, I'm hardly an adult. But boy am I grown up compared to who I was in college. If I could go back in time, I'd have quite a few things to tell my former self, and save a lot of stress, time, and energy.

Dear Erin, I am at a crossroads in a 3-year relationship... Last year got rough. My partner stopped seeing friends, drank heavily, and showed other signs of depression/stress. Our awesome and abundant sex life? Gone.

You were on the back burner — I thought you were Type 2, manageable, no big deal — which goes to show just how deeply I’d slid into denial. But there’s no denial here anymore. Just statistics and medical terms floating around in my brain, reminding me that I can’t afford to forget you, that you’re too “severe” for that.

I wanted to keep people at a distance. I wanted sympathy and validation. I believed that I was inherently unworthy. However, lately, I’ve begun to change my mind — or rather, it’s started to change on its own.

It wasn’t until I hit my twenties that I ever remember hearing anyone discuss the topic of mental illness like it was an actual thing you could take yourself to the doctor for.

You can swear up and down that you meant it some other way, but the reality is that “crazy” and “insanity” refer to a lack of sanity, which will always circle back to and affect mentally ill people, especially when it’s used in ways that diminish or sensationalize our experiences.

I feel I got the short end of the stick because of emotional and financial costs I am still paying for what he did — the grooming, the mind games, the violation of my body and my agency, the disregard for my mental and physical well-being, the purposeful isolation from friends and family. I have already spent a decade in therapy trying to find solid ground, struggling to revive even a shadow of the person I used to be.