Voices

Romantic orientation refers to variations in object of emotional and sexual attraction. The term is also used by those who consider themselves asexual to describe the gender(s) to which they are romantically attracted.

Lent is serious. I mean, it starts with people putting ashes on their faces while someone chants, "Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return," and then it ends with Jesus being tortured to death and then coming back to life. Yikes. I mean, I know we don’t have the monopoly on intense religious traditions, but dang, we Christians sure know how to party/freak out 6-year olds.

I stared at the picture of her sitting in the courtroom sobbing; I read the news stories, and I cried, too. As a sexual assault survivor myself, I felt a lot of things in that moment. Above all, the ruling was a reminder to me that, as a woman, I do not matter. Not in the eyes of society, not in the eyes of the law. It was a reminder that I do not deserve safety, nor will I be guaranteed it. It was a reminder that my body is not mine, and it never has been.

I went on to drink a small glass of wine or two per week throughout my pregnancy once I got over the initial shock of it being unplanned. Once I had adjusted to the fact that I was going to bring another baby into the world, I was still overwhelmed by the stress it brought on. I had suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of my son and we had decided not to have any more children. I didn't want the risks or the horrible anxiety that came with pregnancy. Yet here I was, facing all that uncertainty again. Damn right I needed a drink.

When people picture an eating disorder, they often imagine shocking behaviors that deviate wildly from normal eating. But our society’s definition of “normal,” especially for women, can look so similar to an eating disorder that it’s hard to tell when you’ve crossed the line between healthy and disordered eating. That's why, by following popular health advice, I became anorexic without even knowing it.

The thing about exercise is, it doesn't present like an illness. Neither does dramatic weight loss. Suffering is revered. Pain is praised. The more I endured, the more I was. Marathon training, riding my bike 10 miles a day, lifting weights for 45 minutes, running the stairs at work: I was "dedicated."

I’ve heard that you learn something new in every relationship you have in life, and I guess that’s true. But I actually learned more in my recent breakup with my ex of nearly a year than I did in the relationship itself. And they were some lessons I really needed.

Long story short — she got two staples in her head. But the deeper story is a feeling that welled up in me that needed further investigation. I had this fleeting feeling that she was now damaged because she would have a scar. I remember feeling the same way the day I picked her up from daycare to find out she had a chipped tooth. “She’s not perfect anymore.” Holy crap, where are these thoughts coming from and where do they have the potential to go?