parenting

Before I went to therapy, I married a lot of men, had a lot of children, and worked myself to the bone to achieve career success. If I wasn't happy, it was easy to blame that on my alcoholic, cheating husband or raising a tribe of kids or even working too damn much.

6. You do not need to comment on what my child is or isn't doing. "That's too bad you don't have your kids enrolled in advanced chess. I have my kids in advanced chess, and lacrosse, and calculus, and..."

But how dare you, terrible mother and/or father. Don’t you love your kids? Don’t you want them to prosper? Don’t you miss them with every ounce of your being when they are in class? Aren’t you weeping huge tears of sorrow over the loss of this valuable family time?

The concept of second-shift motherhood is not a new idea, and unfortunately is not changing as rapidly as it should.

For all of the touchy-feely awesomeness of the idea of "focusing on compassion," there are moments in life when it's simply not practical. One of those moments is when it takes every last bit of internal fortitude simply to survive.

And then it happened. "F*ck," she whispered. "F*ck, f*cking, f*ck this!" An enormous smile crossed her face, which only got bigger when she saw my smile. We both laughed, she squeaked out one more "f*ck," and then she gave me one of the biggest hugs I've ever received.

In times of stress, we often keep everything bottled up inside until it explodes out over the slightest disagreement. But this approach won't work if you want your marriage to survive and thrive.

"I love my kids. I don’t love Portland more than my kids. What I loved, besides books and donuts and peonies, was being alone. Or at least alone without kids. So not really alone as much as just not being screamed at or hit by a couple of tiny tyrant assholes."