parenting

Being a single parent has never been the "problem" in my life.

Dear Momma Bare, 

"Remember, this isn’t just happening to you, it’s happening to moms everywhere. It’s not your fault — "

When my husband and I looked at the screen in the ultrasound room and saw that we were having a girl, we both breathed a sigh of relief. Not because we didn’t want to have a boy, but because it meant the circumcision debate was off the table.

An open marriage certainly has its challenges, but finding personal time outside of being a parent is actually one of the great rewards. My husband and I have been polyamorous since we met, and I actually introduced him to the woman, he is currently dating. When our baby was born, she offered to babysit, so we could continue having our traditional date nights.

If you are some sort of superhero, maybe you’ve actually been putting your exercise ball to good use in the weeks and months since you stopped referring to it as your “birthing ball.” But if you’re more like me, that ball has sat in the corner gathering dust, taking up precious space in increasingly cramped living quarters, and occasionally rolling across the floor to taunt you.

I still feel exactly like me. A more tired me, granted, but still me. I am not overwhelmed by a love for her I could never imagine (which I somehow feel guilty about at times, which is why you should read blogs with caution). I love her dearly and unconditionally – just as I imagined I would. But that is also how I love my husband, my mother, my sister, etc.

When we first received my son’s holoprosencephaly diagnosis, I asked why me? Why was this happening to our family? What did we do to deserve this? This is not what I pictured for my two boys. They would never be able to play together, as I had envisioned. Dustyn would always have to stick up for his little brother, protect and take care of him.