OKCupid

When a Tinder lover ghosted me cold after a month, I fell into a deep depression. There was no accountability in the digital dating world, where you had zero real-world mutual friends to tie you together.

While some outlets are going so far as to call this man a “hero,” this case is the perfect example of the dangerous sense of entitlement men often feel towards women.

Dating While (Semi) Damaged is a column about returning to the dating world after an abusive relationship, offering insight and occasional advice.

Online dating is a form of personal marketing, which is why so many find it inorganic and unromantic. But self-promotion forces you to ponder certain questions. Why would anyone want to date you? What do you bring to a relationship? After the abuse, answering such questions was healing. It’s similar to the glimmer of hope you feel writing a cover letter, even in the depths of unemployment, as the task forces you to play up your best qualities. You have to reflect on your self-worth. It is required.

I do have one advantage when it comes to meeting people online: I really like dating. I like getting dressed up and going out. I even kind of dig meeting someone new. I know these are aspects of dating other people dread, but I’ve always enjoyed these things. Perhaps this is one explanation for (or else a result of) my sex work past, I dunno. I know that, in the beginning, I thought of dating as an adventure. I didn’t take it too seriously.

In the spring of 2013, I met a woman on OKCupid. She was petite, with a kind smile and a voice so soft that it could melt all your troubles away. Her shock of red curls went down to her shoulders — and because of this, and the fact that we no longer speak, let's call her Ann.

Ann was a few years older than I, wise and mature. She also, it turned out, spent her professional life beating up strangers for their sexual satisfaction.

Dating is always weird. This is true regardless of gender or orientation.

A part of me gets it. If you’ve never had any mental illness, who wants to date a crazy person? Many people think of mental illness in extremes and stereotypes, i.e., depressed people never get out of bed or those with OCD will never leave the bathroom.