Erin Wisti

Dating While (Semi) Damaged is a column about returning to the dating world after an abusive relationship, offering insight and occasional advice.

Dating While (Semi) Damaged is a column about returning to the dating world after an abusive relationship, offering insight and occasional advice.

Dating While (Semi) Damaged is a column about returning to the dating world after an abusive relationship, offering insight and occasional advice.

Forgiveness is a virtue exalted in our culture, but I do not fit into any Zen portrait of clemency. I do not think fitting into said portrait should be a prerequisite for healing. The benefits of forgiveness are questionable. Forgiving one’s partner for indiscretions does not necessarily improve relationships.

A low opinion of my character should not translate to assuming I would lie about abuse, or that I somehow deserved abuse.

Dating While (Semi) Damaged is a column about returning to the dating world after an abusive relationship, offering insight and occasional adv

Online dating is a form of personal marketing, which is why so many find it inorganic and unromantic. But self-promotion forces you to ponder certain questions. Why would anyone want to date you? What do you bring to a relationship? After the abuse, answering such questions was healing. It’s similar to the glimmer of hope you feel writing a cover letter, even in the depths of unemployment, as the task forces you to play up your best qualities. You have to reflect on your self-worth. It is required.