humor

There’s one custom which I really must rebel: having to take off my shoes when I go to someone’s house. Take away my shoes, and you cut me off!

If you’re like me, and I sincerely hope you are not, instead of feeling pleased for these women and their success in finding the perfect outfit, you are snarky and suspicious.

Here are ten things I’ve been really, truly, actually nostalgic for lately, amidst the wild, terrifying ride that is 2017.

Nothing says "I’m patriotic" quite like going to a wolf-themed indoor water park resort wearing your wolf-themed t-shirt. With your floaties on. And a beer in your hand.

Critique devastates me. I never want to do anything wrong. When I believe I have done something wrong, I tend to avoid the situation or people involved indefinitely. Run somewhere where I can try again. Start from scratch.

Here's what I want to ask the guy who used this airplane bathroom right before me:

1. Dude, seriously?

Your dirty brown garbage water is a scourge upon the human race, and I'm here to say it's time to call it quits. Let's all just admit that coffee is disgusting, and move on with our lives. It has no place beside delicious breakfast foods, and it is high time we banned this foul liquid from sullying the world of brunch.

There is someone in your life who loves you unconditionally — your dog.