family

A couple of years ago I asked my therapist if she thought my inability to separate things and the memories associated with those things was some kind of coping mechanism. The same way the smell of a Jose Cuervo tequila makes me panic, does a shawl make me calm.

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Hey, the holidays are coming up, and you’re gonna see some relatives.

A weekly trip to Walmart would end in tears — first theirs, then mine. Them pining in the toy aisle. Me saying no. Over and over. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to buy my kids whatever they wanted, it was that I couldn’t.

No addiction or recovery story is the same. You don’t always kick the habit and you don’t always find the forgiveness which you seek. Around 60% of addicts relapse, according to the U.S. government. Others die. Others end up prison. Others lose their kids. Some make a full recovery.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, the world is a disaster right now.

I started this column about five times over the weekend. It’s now Monday, 8 AM, and I’m starting it for a sixth time.