childbirth

I’m not going to lie or sugarcoat my feelings right now — I’m nervous about going from a mom of one to a mom of two. My son is seven, so he, my husband, and I have had seven years of time as “just the three of us.”

I’m well aware that this should probably be the last thing on my mind as we get ready to deliver Baby Number Two in a few months, but it’s there. Yes, it’s mixed up in my brain with thoughts of getting the right crib and making sure that our organic crib mattress gets delivered on time, but it is a dominant thought, something that I’m legitimately worried about.

In my work as an entertainment writer, some of the easiest stories are the post-baby body reveals. You know the type: “Within three days of delivery, Celebrity Person shed any trace her womb housing a growing baby for the past 10 months! Look at those abs!”

In the nearly six months since I welcomed my first child, I haven’t slept more than five consecutive hours. So excuse my audible groan upon hearing of Meghann Foye’s call for “meternity leave.”

“It will be long,” they told me. “It will likely be days after your due date,” they advised. “Everything will begin slowly with breaks between contractions,” they said. They lied.

Not too many people would talk about childbirth and say, “Longer labor? More pushing?

I attended the child-birthing classes. I knew how to breathe. I read every book on giving birth ever printed. But I was totally unprepared for what I call "The Incident," which was a horrifying event that took place in the delivery room.

You can’t really change your vulva. It’s yours. However it looks is however it looks. Period.