Let’s face it, six weeks is a long time to go without anything that you love. Image: Pixabay.
This is something that goes well beyond my husband just wanting a good lay — he needs to know he’s loved, like we all do.
I’m well aware that this should probably be the last thing on my mind as we get ready to deliver Baby Number Two in a few months, but it’s there.
Yes, it’s mixed up in my brain with thoughts of getting the right crib and making sure that our organic crib mattress gets delivered on time, but it is a dominant thought, something that I’m legitimately worried about.
We all hear about The Five Love Languages, especially if we get married. Well, physical touch or intimacy has always been my husband’s in a very big way. At this point in life, I can sense from a mile away whenever he feels that this is being neglected and act upon it. Knowing this helps keep us balanced. (Yes, he pays attention to my love language, too: quality time.)
When we became parents the first time around, our situation was very different.
My (very new) husband was active duty in the Army and I was living with my parents while he got our new apartment set up. Once the baby was born, my husband got 10 days of paternity leave; then, he came and went on weekends until our apartment was ready. I finally moved in with Baby Branden about six weeks after giving birth.
The lack of intimacy was a non-issue, or at any rate the least of our issues, since we didn’t see each other for long stretches of time.
But everything is different now.
I know what you’re all thinking: After what your body just went through, shouldn’t he be able to suck it up for six weeks? While that’s a totally valid point, it doesn’t change the way I know he’s going to feel.
If I'm worried or mad or frustrated about all those things that new moms get worried or mad or frustrated about, it’s easier to mentally put that blame or stress on someone else — and it always ends up being pushed on those closest to us.
Let’s face it, six weeks is a long time to go without anything that you love, and this is something that goes well beyond my husband just wanting a good lay — he needs to know he’s loved, like we all do.
I had a recent conversation with him about this subject, hoping that it would alleviate some of the stress that I’m feeling. Unfortunately, I didn't feel that much came of it.
So I did some soul-searching, and realized that I’m afraid that I will be so overwhelmed in the first few months of our new baby’s life that I won’t be able to juggle it all.
It has nothing to do with labeling my husband as “the bad guy” or “the guy who can’t go without sex for a few weeks. It's about me.
If I'm worried or mad or frustrated about all those things that new moms get worried or mad or frustrated about, it’s easier to mentally put that blame or stress on someone else — and it always ends up being pushed on those closest to us.
So yes, I am worried that he won’t make it through those six weeks, but I’m even more worried that I’m not going to be able to be Supermom and balance everyone’s needs (including my own).
My resolution: I’m letting my family know that I’m going to be asking for a lot of help and that I need to push that Supermom persona aside.
Asking for help isn’t the easiest thing for me, but I think that if I can spend time worrying about my how much sex my husband is getting, they can all afford to help me maintain my mental and emotional health.
