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School Bans Tag At Recess And Childhood Is Officially Dead

It's hard to think of anything more synonymous with childhood than playing tag.

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Put Away That Selfie Stick, Selfies Now Kill More People Than Sharks

You are more likely to DIE while taking a selfie than in a shark attack, according to a new report.

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And The Dalai Lama Is Also Sexist. Just Great.

In today's SEXISM IS REAL, EVERYWHERE news: The Dalai Lama.

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Man Punches Elderly Costco Shopper In The Face Over Nutella Waffle Samples

If you're anything like me, the only enjoyable part of shopping at Costco is the samples. It's always packed, there's nowhere to park, people push their massive fucking carts slower than molasses in January, and everything about it makes me homicidal EXCEPT for the sweet, sweet lure of the samples.

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Your 2-Minute Guide To Congress' Attacks On Planned Parenthood And Abortion

Even if the government shuts down, it won't stop funding to Planned Parenthood; Medicaid and Medicare payments (which is how Planned Parenthood receives government funds) will continue on autopilot. It's a line in the sand that has absolutely no impact on the organization, yet would impact thousands of federal employees whose paychecks would stop coming. And is akin to a toddler throwing a tantrum.

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The Blood Moon Is Coming And It's Bringing The Apocalypse

I'm gonna just really go out on a limb here and say we probably aren't going to die next week. Which is great news, because the new Star Wars is coming and I really want to see it.

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Ben Carson Declares Muslims Unfit For Presidency, Apparently Can't Comprehend The Constitution

Carson's comments came in response to the shitshow that was Trump's campaign rally last week, where an attendee asked a question about how Trump would handle the "problem" that is Muslims in America, and incorrectly stated that President Obama is Muslim. Frankly, it doesn't matter what religion the president adopts, if any, but it's long since been settled that Obama is, in fact, Christian.

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