honesty

She’s made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to… Ask Erin is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions about anything at all.

Q.

Hello Erin, 

My partner and I of seven years had a trial run of an open relationship, so to speak. I slept with one person during that time, and I asked them before sleeping with them if they had tested themselves for STIs and HIV. They said they did, and the results were negative. We slept together once. Six months later, I went in for a random STD test, and it turns out I have chlamydia. 

Honesty is supposed to be the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, and lying, an automatic dealbreaker. But should it be?

“Is autism my super power?” she asked me, giggling.

How much energy does it take to be jealous? Hint: Way too much.

Small lies are so easy. We use them to avoid pain, dodge conflict, save time. But all these small, seemingly harmless “white” lies are leading to a bigger problem. New research, out of the University College London, shows telling little lies desensitizes our brain to dishonesty.

n case you missed the memo, little white lies = BAD, BAD, BAD, people! And that, reader friends, is not great for your relationships.

Those who would find themselves genuinely excited about simple, fun things are often written off as losers with nothing better to do, while the jaded pat themselves on the back for how mature and intelligent they so obviously are. However, the longer you look at it, the more you begin to notice that it’s quite the opposite.

The reality is that any person I love, including my daughters, can deeply hurt my feelings. Does this mean that I hold my daughters to the same level of emotional accountability as my husband or my best friend? Nope, but for it damn sure doesn’t mean that I morph into some feeling-less version of myself because I’m a mother, either.