girls

Recently, I was looking through some old pictures of myself.... Like every other person on this earth, I have my insecurities. As I was looking at these photos, I found myself picking out my faults, finding things that I would like to change, putting myself down for looking a certain way or not looking a certain way.

As we made our way to the back of the plane, the baby apologizing the whole way, passengers were giving us a certain look, one to which I had become accustomed to receiving when with my daughter. The one that says, How cute. I, however, was shaken. Had I really taught my daughter, all of 1½ years old, that she needs to apologize for herself? That because she was noticed — rather than slipping quietly through a space — she needed to say “I'm sorry”?

I’d like to think my son won his first (and only) beauty pageant because of his sparkling personality, curly mop of hair, bright blue eyes, and adorable tuxedo — but the truth is that he won because he was the only boy in the entire pageant. He won every category I entered him in, regardless of his looks, personality, or actions. He literally won just for showing up. It was the embodiment of both white and male privilege.

There's been a lot of drama around Kim Kardashian's nude selfie. She got a bit of smack down from some big stars such as Bette Midler and Pink who didn’t see Kardashian’s nudity as all that empowering for women. At first, I wasn't sure that I disagreed with them. I’d love to see women be both fully clothed and empowered. But my 18 year-old daughter left me with a thought I hadn't yet considered: Maybe the Kardashian beat-down is NOT the way to build our daughter’s spirit or confidence.

I'm an original fan of Justin Bieber, back when he was a young YouTube sensation with catchy tunes. Given the changes in the world surrounding body positivity over the past year, I was initially excited to hear he had a new very popular song out titled Love Yourself from his 2015 album PURPOSE. I was all ready to praise him and buy the CD. Until I heard the lyrics.

The heart wants what the heart wants, and my daughter’s heart is a Lisa Frank landscape made up of sparkles and rainbows and princesses and unicorns. It’s just who she is, and I am OK with that. But what I am not completely fine with is her labeling these preferences as being “for girls” or “for boys.”

Every parent is afraid of something happening to their children; that comes with the territory. When we allow our fears to prevent our children from following their dreams, however, we do them a disservice.

If you ever doubt yourself, think like your inner child. No, really. It might just work.