Eating Disorders

Netflix’s latest drama 'To The Bone' just emphasizes the inequity in eating disorder treatment options. The main character, Ellen, is a white, 20-year-old woman who is struggling with a serious eating disorder. I watched as she entered yet another inpatient treatment center and her loving family stood by her. Frame after frame, I saw myself and grew angry for the people who were suffering and wouldn’t be able to identify, whether it was because of their race, support system, or lack of resources.

Suggesting that we should figure out how to apply a deadly illness to fat people is ludicrous on its face for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that THERE ARE FAT PEOPLE WITH ANOREXIA.

Being a human is hard. Being a human with an eating disorder is inexplicably hard. Every time I think I have control over the situation, my eating disorder pulls a fast one on me and reminds me what is really in charge — food and exercise.

Recovering from any disordered eating struggle will bring situations of discomfort, but you can also find beauty. This is my recovery from fitness modeling.

Most days, I find good reasons to be optimistic about the way diverse figures are celebrated in the media.

I talked to you about the scale last week. It’s a tool I’ve proven that I will use to punish myself. I said I wouldn’t weigh myself. I said numbers don't matter. And then I broke my promise to you. I made the same promise face-to-face with my oldest and dearest friend — a pinky-swear. I broke that one, too.

I understand the connections between the violence that leads to police shootings and the violence that leads people to starve themselves. I know with complete certainty that diet culture is a manifestation of the state’s expectation of assimilation and of social control, both of which are manifestations of institutional violence.

“Wow, what happened?” (as eyes glance at my stomach area)
What do you mean, “What happened?” When asked this, I sometimes wonder if little aliens are flying around my waist or if blood is spewing from my hips.