confidence

Like many women and girls, I was taught that confidence is a commodity that we can use to attain romantic and sexual attention from men. We spend a lot of money and energy trying to capture that elusive sense that we are worth a damn. But for me, healing has become my primary focus and it has led to major shifts in my sense of self, more clarity about what I need, and a deeper relationship to my desire.

Forget a hot bod! I just want someone who knows himself.

I certainly still have moments of self-doubt, but I make a conscious effort to change my internal monologue at those times. Instead of saying, "If only you were good enough to write a book," I tell myself "You're doing great accomplishing small steps to get there." Instead of berating myself for always splitting my attention between my daughter and my work, I congratulate myself for juggling writing and motherhood.

Let me tell you something, ladies. There are a million people in this world ready to tear you down at any given moment, for reasons they know, and reasons they don’t know. They will all but sell the blood of their firstborn child to make sure you know that they think you ain’t shit.

So excited, so excited, so excited, wait, what? Wait, is that really me? Holy shit.

The acknowledgment of Lupita’s elegance begins a process to alleviate any future need to add "for a . . . " to the end of “You’re beautiful.”

To get rid of duck-faced selfies, a Napa photographer has made a surprising offer.

Spotted on: Her way to work in Oakland, CA