Children

IT IS NOT FUNNY TO ABUSE YOUR KIDS ON THE INTERNET

I didn't have even an ounce of energy to spare to process my own feelings. Everything I had went to my son.

So, it's likely you won't love every stage your child goes through… and that’s actually okay.

By the time he was two, I was ready to give him to my sister-in-law.

Just don’t do it. In fact, reading this is in direct opposition to the titular admonition above.

Everybody who’s a parent can attest to the fact that the lives they once knew are far behind them.

I’m not mourning the loss of fertility. I’m mostly just waiting to see what happens next, like some sort of hormonal roulette. I’m writing this for you, so that when your period decides to take an extended vacation, you may understand that this is another step between contortionist tampon insertion and Depends.

Capitalism is too real. God dang Americans are greedy. And so are our kids. We eat, sleep and breathe capitalism, and maybe some folks will argue that’s the American dream or whatever. We've earned the right (and the cash) to be as greedy as we’d like. But I’m kind of a socialist, and I really loathe rotten kids who cry when they don’t get a toy, alas here we are. If you’re like me, this article is for you