Minds

I felt lonelier than I ever had before. I didn’t recognize who I was anymore. I tried to play my role, but inside I was drowning.

Your barista was less friendly than usual…Are you not on good terms anymore? Maybe something has happened in his/her life. You wonder what might’ve happened. Should you have asked them? Maybe they thought you were rude for not caring. Maybe they didn’t want you to ask because they just wanted to deal with it themselves. Maybe they were just really deep in thought and didn’t notice you were there. Maybe you should’ve seemed more upbeat. Your coffee wasn’t as good today either. Is that related?

I’d been so busy patting myself on the back for conquering my big fears, I failed to acknowledge that the types of things that scare me had shifted. A lot of the obvious stuff didn’t bother me anymore — but what about all the smaller, more personal things that still scared the living shit out of me?

Many people are aware of bipolar disorder. Most know it’s a mental illness that swings the brain between depression and mania. Most understand depression to be debilitating, a condition that combines sadness, despair, exhaustion, and lack of motivation. But most people don’t understand mania (which is experienced primarily by people with bipolar I) or hypomania (which those with bipolar II tend to encounter more than full-blown mania) — at least not fully.

Thanks to awareness campaigns, programs and organisations, our general understanding and recognition of mental illness is improving. However, it’s impossible to imagine what life with depression or anxiety or schizophrenia is like if you’ve never been diagnosed with one of these conditions. A recent Reddit thread provides a heart-wrenching insight into the realities and challenges of these illnesses — in the words of people living with them. [In December], Redditor theone1221 asked psychiatrists and psychologists to share “the most profound or insightful thing” they had ever heard from a patient with a mental illness.

Perhaps more than other cultures, America is obsessed with the illusion that if we prepare, we can avoid. Instead of learning to be resilient and cope with hardship, we drive ourselves dangerously close to madness trying to come up with ways to prevent catastrophes.

“Congratulations, Joni. You have a UTI so bad my machine can't even read it.”

I like to give everything 110%, even my bacterial infections. I like to give everything 110%... except myself.

“It can feel quite isolating or even invalidating when someone is trying that ‘Cheer up’ approach, or comparisons like, ‘It’s not so bad, look at the people who have it so much worse’,” explains Tal Schlosser, Clinical Psychologist at My Life Psychologists. “We have the feelings we have and someone saying, ‘Don’t worry about it’ doesn’t make it go away. In fact, we can feel even worse about the fact we can’t just snap out of it.” Part of the motivation to cheer people up is tied to how society typically views emotions. According to Dr Janine Clarke, Psychologist at Mend Psychology and The Sydney ACT Centre, there are six ‘basic,’ universal emotions — sadness, anger, disgust, fear, happiness and surprise — and we’ve been conditioned to perceive happiness as the only one worth pursuing.