Coming Out

If I get into a heterosexual relationship and spend the rest of my life with that person, I will still be bisexual. I will still feel that attraction to the man on the other side of the bar, even if I’m in love with my partner who happens to be a woman.

If you see me with my partner, you’ll more than likely think that I’m a straight girl in a heterosexual relationship — and there’s nothing I hate more. Being with a man seems to negate my sexuality, rendering it secret or private when I’m anything but.

I was — for a long time — straight. And then I wasn’t.

Moments after this big reveal, as I sat with the knowledge that I was the mother of a queer daughter, we heard about the man in Los Angeles being stopped on his way to Pride with guns and bombs, and I suddenly realized that my daughter was now one of the millions of people at risk because of vile and unreasonable hatred about non-straight sexuality.

When you have a best friend, you expect to be able to tell them anything and for them to love you unconditionally, without judgment. At least, that’s what I felt about my best friend in sixth grade. She was like an older sister to me; of course she would stick with me.

This week, Matt kicks off our Conversation series on coming out with his own story.

I’m not straight, but I often feel like a queer outsider. And I know I’m not the only one. Just a few days prior to the shooting, a fellow queer mama who is also married to a man came out on Facebook to let the world know that just because she is with a man doesn’t make her any less queer.