Virgie Tovar

"It is not necessarily pleasant to be defensive, but that's okay with me. My defensiveness was a strategic decision, well-earned."

Take The Cake: I'm Not Ashamed Of Being Defensive

Truthfully, I really want to be able to walk into every new interaction with the hope — the expectation — that everyone knows how to treat everyone else with full humanity. But the culture’s gonna have to do a lot better before I emotionally disarm. Until then, it’s probably a good idea to expect pursed lips and side eye from me.

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Confidence can be faked, but healing takes time, energy, and work. But it's worth it. (Image Credit: Instagram/virgietovar)

Take The Cake: The Confidence-Industrial Complex

Like many women and girls, I was taught that confidence is a commodity that we can use to attain romantic and sexual attention from men. We spend a lot of money and energy trying to capture that elusive sense that we are worth a damn. But for me, healing has become my primary focus and it has led to major shifts in my sense of self, more clarity about what I need, and a deeper relationship to my desire.

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Take The Cake: #NotYourLena OR How All Fat Women Are Not The Same Person

So, recently I started dipping my toe back into the poisonous dump site that is straight dating. Deep breath.

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Take The Cake: 'I Love Dick'

Last week I was sitting anywhere between nineteen and thirty-seven feet from Kevin Bacon.

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Take The Cake: More Fat Face Representation Please

The other day I was having coffee and ice cream with my friend. We were talking about who we follow online.

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There's a difference between a person genuinely admiring your gifts, and a person who sees you as a way to feel superior.

Take The Cake: Don't Just Blindly Say 'You Inspire Me'

Two weeks ago, I was in West Lafayette, Indiana. I flew into Chicago at around midnight, and I was picked up by new friend and hostess, Mel.

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"I had to reckon with the fact that people do this to other people, that men do this to women, that my body had been coopted and turned into a repository for someone else’s shame."

Take The Cake: Is Fatness A Superpower?

This week in Babecamp we were talking about Sarai Walker’s novel Dietland.

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"Why was it so hard for me to see my own desire?"

Take The Cake: I Like Being An Unwed Mother Of Zero Children

As much as I love the idea of family, I actually like not being married, and I actually like not being a mother right now.

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