motherhood

Now, I would love to sit down and watch a movie without interruptions as well. But alas, motherhood brings with it many occupational hazards.

I wouldn’t say I’m the black sheep of the family, but I’m pretty sure my mom isn't surprised that some of the choices I’ve made in raising my son have been a little different from the way she did things. My mom gave us all she could. She stayed home to raise my sister and me for most of our childhood; she only returned to work to help put us through college.

We do our best as parents, but there is no plan or prediction that can determine how your relationship with your children will be, grow, and change throughout the course of our lives. That is one of the most unpredictable things in parenthood.

I see you now, and the parts of you that are me: your smile, the shape of your face, becoming an adult, becoming a person who doesn't always need their mother when they fall. I see you slowly becoming an adult, and I remember how you turned my world upside-down when I was your age.

There wasn’t going to be any sparkle. There wasn’t going to be any new mommy magic.

I said it. The thing moms are never ever supposed to say. I NEED MORE.

There are days when you look in the mirror at yourself, nights when you looks at your husband, and moments when you squeeze your son that you wonder if you have anything left to give. You have given so much to being a mom that there are moments when you lose sight of it all. Don’t lose sight of me, the person that you were before and the things that made your happy. Don’t let me disappear.

I always secretly hoped that having a child would transform me into a more responsible person. I would be a mother! Mothers have excellent dental hygiene, and eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. Sure, I sucked at all that stuff before, but once I had a baby, things would get on track. I would set a good example for my child.