Kids

There is NO RELATIVITY. My children are objectively the worst sleepers of any children in the history of ever.

Just don’t do it. In fact, reading this is in direct opposition to the titular admonition above.

We forget so quickly how to be in the moment, and what it boils down to is whether we are truly invested in the precious time we have with other people. Are we here now, or somewhere else?

The quickest way to reveal yourself as a douchenozzle — not to mention unoriginal — is to remind someone who’s about to get married that most marriages end in divorce. The second-quickest way to offend is tell us what our wedding has to be like or whom we need to invite.

In many ways, a parenting prenup is the true definition of planned parenthood.

Capitalism is too real. God dang Americans are greedy. And so are our kids. We eat, sleep and breathe capitalism, and maybe some folks will argue that’s the American dream or whatever. We've earned the right (and the cash) to be as greedy as we’d like. But I’m kind of a socialist, and I really loathe rotten kids who cry when they don’t get a toy, alas here we are. If you’re like me, this article is for you

The tumult that’s been rippling through our country has me begging the question: what do we do when we feel the defeat of a woman and the rise of a monster bearing down on us?

When you try to organize a playdate, I feel sick, and I make up an excuse so I can decline your invitation. I lie because my kids can never go to your place for a play. Ever. Because I don’t like your husband.