babies

Everybody who’s a parent can attest to the fact that the lives they once knew are far behind them.

Let’s just all as a human race hold hands, sing kumbaya, and admit that ultrasound pics look like something out of Dia de Los Muertos rather than an actual human baby.

Each and every day this month, I have been looking for brief escapes from the hell that is

My fingers are currently grazing the keyboard as my arms reach around my four week old, who happens to be strapped to my chest in our BabyBjorn – which has been my saving grace these days. She’s sleeping soundly, but just moments ago she was wailing (I’m speculating that I have a colicky baby on my hands) and this is the only way that I can get my work done. No shower yet today (it’s 1 pm, gross), pretty much all I’ve eaten is a quick bowl of oatmeal (and of course coffee) and have been up for the day since 5am (plus countless feeding during the night). But I’m chugging forward. Yup, being a mom of a newborn makes me feel superhuman.

I’m not one for overstatement; the research here is rock solid. And while “serve and return” is borrowed lingo from tennis (hopeful we have some fellow Del Potro fans in the house), the practice has nothing at all to do with sports.

When it comes to babies, “serve and return” refers to meaningful, face-to-face interaction with the little one. The sort of conversation where you’re not just talking at baby, but watching his reactions, and responding in kind.

Yes, it’s a public place, but neither myself or any movie-going patron should have to worry that they might not be able to hear what’s being said on the big screen because a baby is crying. End of story.

“I told them they don’t eat lunch in the bathroom, so it’s gross to expect me to contaminate baby’s milk in there.”

Yes, a lot of parents are assholes. But you know what? A lot of people are assholes; some of them happen to have kids, some don’t. I can’t speak for all parents, and I wouldn’t want to try. But speaking as one particular person with kids, here’s what I wish my childfree friends would understand…