mania

I wasn’t thankful. I was too negative. I wasn’t doing enough. When I found out my mood swings weren't my fault, that I had bipolar disorder, I cried.

Seasonal Affective Disorder, a common mood disorder that was first described by Dr. Norman Rosenthal in 1984, is mostly discussed in terms of how it affects people in winter.
When I found out about summer SAD a few years ago through some online sleuthing, I felt relieved. I finally knew what was going on with me.

[CN: suicide, overdose] Gratitude stops me from ending my life, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to end my life. Even the fierce love I have for my family doesn’t mean I don’t feel utterly hopeless sometimes.

[CN: suicide, overdose] Gratitude stops me from ending my life, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to end my life. Even the fierce love I have for my family doesn’t mean I don’t feel utterly hopeless sometimes.

Many people are aware of bipolar disorder. Most know it’s a mental illness that swings the brain between depression and mania. Most understand depression to be debilitating, a condition that combines sadness, despair, exhaustion, and lack of motivation. But most people don’t understand mania (which is experienced primarily by people with bipolar I) or hypomania (which those with bipolar II tend to encounter more than full-blown mania) — at least not fully.

The symptoms of borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder can often overlap. Understanding the difference is a first step in getting proper care for them and yourself, and being able to better relate to each other.

In honor of World Bipolar Day, I present a sample stream of consciousness based on my experiences living with this disorder.

Psychiatric illness is still stigmatized. And that’s hard when you have a psychiatric illness.