Sex + Love

Like too many others out there, we have a father who gave us some of his genes and not a whole lot more. Specifically, my father is an alcoholic — has been for the entirety of his adult life.

Nothing can really prepare you for being a parent. And there is no damn way anything can prepare you for being a step-parent.

Do lesbians fall for women who are married to men? All the time! And if that's you, be prepared for things to get hard.

While this is not about my or White people’s feelings, this is about White people’s violence. As White people in this country, it’s on us to dismantle White supremacy. Both the problem and the solution lie with us. This involves talking to other White people in our communities, having hard and uncomfortable conversations, examining and confronting our own privilege.

"Never have sex with a virgin." Which incidentally I did, not once, but twice.

I disowned my father when I was 17. He was a perfect storm of a human being, drowning women in physical abuse, rape, judgment, and his excuses. I experienced all but rape, and for that I consider myself lucky.

Unfortunately, it’s just not too often we see long-term couples holding hands or kissing these days. There was a time when my ex-wife and I kissed and held hands and I remember distinctly when we stopped. That was when I knew our relationship was in trouble. And these problems only get worse when the kids leave the nest and the two of you are looking at each other with the unspoken thought of “Now what?”

“Love doesn’t have to be love,” a friend recently said to me. Lust, even though it is often referred to as a fallacious feeling, is a legitimate experience. As those wise words poured out of her mouth, I felt relieved to remember that there is a part of me that once knew this to be true.