Vedavati M.

To blame [my mother] for all parts of me that are broken wouldn't be kind. She isn't responsible for who I am today. That said, on a subconscious level, I am the mother I am because of the mother I had.

I had all my parents' attention, all the time. Yes, it felt a little much at times, but it also made me a great conversationalist. Hanging out around adults was calming. They didn't pull my hair or push me over to grab a toy. They didn't spit on me or break my things. They had self-restraint. (And they responded well to stares.)

I understand that feeling good is far more important than looking good. But it's hard to not get caught up in the frenzy to lose all the baby weight when that's the only thing everyone seems to comment on post-delivery.

Just as you're learning to navigate the world by yourself, I guess it's time for me to relearn the ropes of motherhood. To patiently watch you find your wings, to sit in the shadows and watch you fly, to applaud you quietly from a distance, to embrace you when you decide to come back. Only to go off by yourself again.

Nothing felt overwhelming. Not the initial cracked nipples or sleepless nights; not the constant babywearing or lullaby-singing; not the occasional cravings or muscle aches. Through hormonal changes and physical transformations (muffin top and lopsided breasts included), there was always her constant reassuring presence. She made it all worthwhile.

We have been together for 15 years and parents for two. We've had sex at all times of the day and night. Every day of the week. Indoors and outdoors. We've played out our fantasies. And indulged our fetishes. And now it feels like it's the end of the road. I'd heard about parenthood being the death of sex, but I never subscribed to that notion. Surely that happened to the non-adventurous missionary-position-believers. Ha! But two years into this parenting thing and I would much rather sleep with my toddler than my husband.

[CN: childbirth, pregnancy] "You're asking for C-section? You?!" [my obstetrician] almost shrieked.