Melissa Lovitz

I have OCD and I focus incessantly on time as a proxy for order an

So, if you’re out there in the world feeling broken, and questioning if you’re the only one who doesn’t “get it”, or if you’re eager to learn more about asexuality so you can be a better ally to the LGBTQIA+ community, here are three things that helped me claim and learn about my asexual identity.

I’m breaking up with meticulously measuring meals, miles, minutes, etc. I’m worn-out by the fatigue that follows the cycles of fixation. These cycles disguise themselves as control and help me define myself within parameters that feel palpable – things I can wrap my head around.

I could link to several sites that list countless questions you should ask in a job interview, but I fear that would be a waste of your time, and condescending to your Google search talents. Instead, I’ll offer this: Make sure you have two or three quality questions prepped to ask at your job interview.

I’ve been struggling to understand if I’m a “bad queer” or a “bad feminist” and sometimes, I think I am!

Something changed for me when I heard my friend say, “I run so I can eat.” I run so I can cope, so I can feel invincible, so I can think. And so, in a surprising change of events, I challenged them politely and asked, “What would change if, instead, you ate so you can run?”

Sexual attraction is not the only type of physical attraction, AND aesthetic attraction is not the same as sexual attraction!

Oh, you didn’t know? Perhaps it’s because one of the best-kept secrets about adulting is that, most of the time, nobody knows what they’re doing.

3. Do you masturbate? First, what each person does with or to their body is nobody else’s business. Remember, asexuality is about sexual attraction not necessarily sexual desire or arousal. Simply put, most asexual people can experience sexual arousal; some asexuals masturbate and some do not.

I don’t identify with the heterosexual norms that have been shoved down my throat and the pathologizing rhetoric that, for most of my life, shrieked "you’re broken," and then I was publicly ostracized by a person who identifies as part of "the community" — the same community I feel connected to.