Kristance Harlow

To take care of myself in the months preceding my wedding I had to make a conscious effort to not dive into dieting. Wedding weight loss was off the list of things for me to do, or to even attempt.

It was my pattern: if therapy got too intense, if I started feeling better, or if I was referred to a psychiatrist, I’d just stop going. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that I had a mental disorder.

It’s not just being overwhelmed — this inability to find peace is worse than that. It can happen without a moment’s notice, any day and any time.

I lose hours to this obsessive compulsion, not a day goes by without it. Every mirror is an opportunity to ruin more of my skin in a nonsensical attempt to fix what I think is there

I'm not here to discredit your experience. What I'm here to say is that "feeling depressed" is a different beast than “having depression.”

My life is a constant recollection.

Coming out of dissociation can feel like waking from a lucid dream. One moment you’re on the other side of physical reality, and then you cross the threshold and are part of life again.