Debbie Weiss

Each of my boyfriend’s episodes chipped away at what we had. And each time I took him back, I lost a bit of who I was. I couldn't recognize emotional abuse.

The rancor over Patton Oswalt’s engagement fifteen months after his wife’s death drives home the fact that only the grieving can decide how to grieve, or conversely, when to be done mourning. In the case of widowed people, only the bereaved can decide when they’re ready to love again.

More importantly, when we lose our spouses, even if we’re at our worst, our friends and family need to come closer, not leave us to ourselves. Try reaching out to a recent widow even if you don’t know her very well.

Many of us older daters weren’t brought up with the idea of consent.