Dawn Clancy

Over the almost 40 years that I’ve been on this planet, I’ve absorbed the message — whether it’s about my hair, pale skin, or the size of particular body parts — that I’m too much.

Although I hesitate to admit it, I have a hard time believing that men can be victims of domestic violence, and I know that my stepfather Joe is at the root of my problem.

Over the years, I’ve created an intricate system of rules that keep my calves safely hidden from judging eyes, especially in the summer when shorts and sundresses rule. From where I stand today, I can’t imagine myself becoming the kind of woman who could walk confidently to the subway, in a knee-length skirt, leaving her bulging calves unapologetically exposed for the world to see. But a year ago, I wouldn't have dared to write publicly about my calves. So, I consider this a small yet mighty first step, in the right direction, of hopefully many more to come.

Although divorce would’ve been the right thing for Mom and Joe, they still used it as a weapon against each other. I was often caught up in the crossfire. Sometimes, I worry that Ryan is going to come home from work, drop his bag at the door, and drop an “I want a divorce” bomb on me.

[CN: suicidal thoughts, blood] The success I have today wouldn’t be possible without the following four tools I regularly use to manage my depression.