Image: AP
Republicans aren’t exactly known for their strong record on women’s issues, but the party’s presidential candidates managed to keep their lips mostly zipped on air during Wednesday night’s debate. In a debate that focused almost exclusively on the budget, this wasn’t a difficult task. Yet even so, a few of the candidates stumbled and ultimately let their sexist and anti-women flags fly.
Although it’s probably definitely bad for my blood pressure, I’ve combed through the transcript to bring you five terrifying examples of just how much the Republican candidates vying for the presidency don’t give a damn about women. You’re welcome...?
1. Mike Huckabee’s A Poor, Beleaguered Husband
Channeling a TV sitcom, Huckabee opened the debate with a joke that immediately cast him as the beleaguered husband. When asked what he considers his greatest weakness, Huckabee had this to say: “I don't really have any weaknesses that I can think of. But my wife is down here in the front, and I'm sure, if you'd like to talk to her later, she can give you more than you'll ever be able to take care of.”
Nothing gets more laughs than a man bemoaning his nagging wife, amirite? Too bad that it’s a tired stereotype that is well past its expiration date. If Huckabee wants women to believe that he deserves their votes, he needs to stop using them as the punchline of his jokes.
2. Marco Rubio Is A Mansplaining Boor — But Buy His Book, Okay?
Early on in the debate, the moderator asked Rubio about a series of questionable financial decisions — including mixing campaign and personal funds, and having faced foreclosure — and whether they impact his ability to manage the nation’s economy. Rubio declined to answer the question directly, and instead took a stroll down memory lane, recounting his difficult financial upbringing and struggle with student loan debt as a new college graduate.
Lest you worry about Rubio’s financial prowess, he made sure to reassure the audience that his wife is even less financially savvy than he is: “I tried, early in my marriage, explaining to my wife why someone named Sallie Mae was taking $1,000 out of our bank account every month.” [Insert awkward laughter here.] He then pimped his book.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Rubio’s wife probably knows what Sallie Mae is. Especially since she, you know, attended a community college before working as a bank teller. But thanks for whipping out your epic mansplaining for the world to see, Rubio.
3. Ted Cruz Knows Some Single Moms
When Cruz was asked how he intends to support women, who still earn 77% compared to their male counterparts, he had a lot to say about single mothers. Apparently, the world is littered with single moms and Cruz has met like five of them. Or at least he sees them in the grocery store buying…hamburger or something. But don’t worry, ladies, he’s seen single moms and he knows their struggle and…yeah.
But wait, there’s more! Some of these single mothers are actually part of Cruz’s family. It turns out that Cruz’s father up and left them when Cruz was 3, leaving his mom to parent alone. Thankfully, however, his father was eventually invited to a Bible study where he found God and returned to his family, and GOD. Amen.
I would like to tell you how Cruz plans to eliminate the gender wage gap, but unfortunately he never actually got around to sharing those pesky details. However, his record and proposals for addressing women’s issues of every kind are abysmal, so I think it’s safe to say that “cross your fingers and hope that your man finds God” is, in fact, his plan for eliminating the gender wage gap. C’mon, single moms, you won’t even need a job if your man comes home and provides for you. Stop your bitching about equality and go help your man find God.
4. Rubio Has A Mother Who Deserves Her Medicare And Social Security (So Stop Crying About Yours)
Medicare and Social Security funding were hot topics during the debate. Ideas about how to curb Medicare spending and fund Social Security ranged from Ben Carson’s plan to privatize Medicare as an annual health spending account (headdesk) to Rand Paul’s assertion that the qualifying age for benefits will need to rise (I repeat, headdesk).
Rubio, however, had a different perspective: “Nothing has to change for current beneficiaries. My mother is on Medicare and Social Security. I'm against anything that's bad for my mother. So, we're talking about...reform for people like me...who are years away from retirement that have a way to plan for these changes, and way that's very reasonable. And it's not too much to ask of our generation after everything our parents and our grandparents did for us.”
Suck it up and take your porridge, youngins, Rubio’s mom deserves the roast beef.
5. Carly Fiorina Knows What You Really Want Is Girl-On-Girl Action
In one of her early statements, Fiorina reminded the audience that Hillary Clinton wants to be the first woman president, but hey, she has a vagina, too. She went on to imply that Clinton is a hypocrite for promoting policies that harm women — and then advocated for the elimination of a federal minimum wage, which apparently wouldn’t harm women whatsoever, even though women make up nearly two-thirds of minimum wage workers.
After that strong start, Fiorina quickly faded into tired obscurity. However, she rallied herself for her closing statement with an emphatic (yet oddly monotone) reminder that America really just wants to see two women go at it.
“I may not be your dream candidate just yet, but I can assure you I am Hillary Clinton's worst nightmare. And in your heart of hearts, you cannot wait to see a debate between Hillary Clinton and Carly Fiorina,” she said. “I will tell you this, I will beat Hillary Clinton. And with your vote and your support and your prayers, I will lead with the citizens of this great nation the resurgence of this great nation.”
Since Fiorina is currently polling at 7%, she got one thing right — it will take divine intervention for her to become president.
5 ½. Republicans Only Mentioned Women 27 Times In The Entire Debate
In the interest of outstanding journalism, I ran a search of the debate transcript for the words “women,” “woman,” “wife,” “moms,” and “mothers.” What I discovered was that they were used only 27 times in the entire debate (a few of them were said by the moderators…and many of them involved the single moms Cruz sees buying things at the grocery store). In a transcript of more than 22,000 words, that means that women received only 0.001 percent of the candidate’s words and attention during the debate.
In a party that has steadfastly ignored women except for when they seek to regulate our bodies, I am unfortunately not surprised that when the only targeted questions about women involved economics and access to social programs, Republicans had almost nothing to say.
