A relationship is not something that you can get complacent with. If you want a relationship that lasts, you have to be willing to work on the relationship on a daily basis.
Have you ever watched one of those sappy romantic comedies and secretly wished you had a relationship like “they do in the movies?” I have a feeling many of us can resonate with that desire. After watching picture perfect love stories, we tend to develop an overwhelming urge to be in love and in a relationship just like the one we’ve been living through vicariously for the past two hours.
The trouble is, before you know it, that craving for constant happiness dissipates as you realize the idea of an effortless, happily ever after is an unrealistic reality. Thanks, Hollywood. We lose the inspiration and dedication to create our desired ‘perfect’ relationship when we remember that–regardless if you’re a power couple chasing your dreams of world domination together or you’re just together ‘seeing how things work out–intimate relationships and the type of feeling you want from them take constant and never ending effort and hard work.
Here are four of the most important areas to master to have the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.
♦♦♦
You have to put in the effort.
Putting effort into building the relationship that you want is crucial. It’s a pretty straightforward concept; I agree, however, that continually putting in the extra effort is something that can be challenging to keep up day in and day out. I’m sure you have heard the term “relationships are 50/50.” Wrong! A relationship will never be successful with a 50/50 mindset; relationships are 100/100. Each partner needs to put in 100% love, commitment, and effort into the common goal of building a healthy partnership.
It may not be your time to take out the trash, but put in the extra effort and just do it anyway. It may not be your role to cook or clean, however, take it upon yourself every now and again to do it, so your partner doesn’t have to. It’s something so simple and so small, yet going above and beyond what is expected of you will foster a positive flow on effect between the two of you.
You have to openly communicate.
This is probably the most important step in building a lasting relationship. The cliche “Communication is key” is thrown around a lot, but what does it actually mean and look like in a healthy relationship? Communicating is the key to knowing how your partner feels in your relationship.
In my relationship, we like to “check in” with each other. At the end of each week, we will sit down and talk about the past week. We will write down three positive things from the last week together and then we will write down three things that we can work on for the upcoming week. This is where you put your pride aside and learn how to take constructive criticism. You do not get mad or upset about the things that the other says you need to improve on. If your partner says you need to improve in a certain area, then they are saying that for a reason. Do not get angry. Take it on board.
You have to be in the moment.
Learning to be in the moment can be challenging for many relationships nowadays. With so much of our lives online, consciously “logging off” is proving to be one of the main reasons of disconnect between partners. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with enjoying technology. In fact, one of my partners and my favorite things to do in the evening is lay in bed and watch funny videos on Facebook together.
Where “logging off” comes into play is understanding there is a time and place for everything. Scrolling through Facebook whilst your girlfriend is trying to tell you about her day over a lovely dinner is not the time to be checking your Newsfeed. Log off, put your phone in the other room and give her your undivided attention. Be in the moment with her and enjoy your time together.
You have to put in the time.
Last but not least, is putting in the time to building the relationship you’ve always dreamt about. An idea I firmly believe in is ‘what you focus on becomes your reality’. It’s impossible to expect a loving, genuine, strong and committed relationship if you aren’t willing to put the energy and time in cultivating growth between the two of you.
Your work may take up a lot of your time or other commitments may drag you away from your partner however unless you consciously make the effort to set time aside to be together, you’ll eventually drift apart. You either grow together or you grow apart.
Try setting aside one night a week for date night. At least two hours where you and your partner spend time together catching up and enjoining each others company.
♦♦♦
Building the relationship you have always dreamed of is hard work. A relationship is not something that you can get complacent with. If you want a relationship that lasts, you have to be willing to work on the relationship on a daily basis. If you put in the effort, openly communicate with each other, be in the moment, and put in the time, you will be well on your way to having the relationship you have always dreamed of.
Thank you for reading my article! What is the one thing in your relationship that is halting you from having the relationship you have always wanted? Please leave your comments below and I would love to reply to them and try to help!
Originally appeared at The Good Men Project. Get the best of The Good Men Project delivered daily or weekly, or become a Premium Member!
