Age gaps aren't the enemy (Imag Credit: Thinkstock)
Most of us grow up envisioning the “perfect” family that we will have one day. One boy, one girl – 3 years apart. Right? Then we become adults and realize that isn’t how the world actually works or what is right for everyone. Take my family, for example. There is an almost 8 year age gap between our two children, and after facing many questions and anxieties along the way, living it has been more perfect than I could have ever imagined.
It all started when Branden, our oldest, turned about two. We were faced with a constant influx of questions about when our second was coming. Not only is that nobody’s business except our own, but how were they to know that we weren’t trying already and heartbroken because we were having trouble conceiving? People need to mind their own business (but that’s another topic for another day). The truth was, at that point, we weren’t really sure we even wanted a second child.
We got married and pregnant really young, and I was still finishing school and my husband was deciding what to do after his army contract ended. We weren’t deep into our careers, but still just starting our lives at age 22 – and another child wasn’t in our current plan. We needed to figure our lives out first before adding another child to the mix.
“He’s going to have no interest in his little sister because they are so far apart.” Actually, he’s obsessed with his little sister.
As Branden turned four, we started to question giving him a sibling more and more, but still weren’t financially ready to take that leap. We waited until this year, and finally brought our sweet little girl into the world and made our son a big brother. Our family couldn’t be happier, but there still seems to be a stigma around the large age gap, leaving us with comments and looks everywhere we go.
Yes, one would think that the sight of a happy family together, out and about at a museum, park, or zoo on the weekend, would be a lovely sight, but we’ve heard it all.
“Wow, you waited a long time in between these two.” Yes, I know.
“Are you babysitting one of these cute kids?” Nope, both mine.
“Aren’t you worried that they won’t have a great relationship?” Not one bit.
“Aww, were you having trouble getting pregnant?" Not your business, and the age gap was planned.
“He’s going to have no interest in his little sister because they are so far apart.” Actually, he’s obsessed with his little sister.
Sadly, I could go on and on.
People (as in, people we don’t know) feel the need to constantly voice their opinions where they don't belong. Yes, there is an age gap between our children... because we got married and had my son very young and it was a choice, our choice, to wait until we knew that we were ready for another child.
Shouldn’t people be applauding us for that?
Nope, instead we are scorned by some because our children aren’t closer in age.
While the age gap might not be ideal for them, it’s perfect for us. Our son is very present with his baby sister and helps out a great deal with everything. Not only is he learning responsibility, but I’m not sure I would be able to accomplish all that’s expected of me as a writer, blogger, mom, and wife on a daily basis if I didn’t have some help and support from our son the way that I do. Having this age gap makes us a stronger family unit, and me a better mom. If anyone wants to argue that, then they are crazy.
