1:54 PM: Stephanie has the softest hands in the universe.
Ooooooooooooooooooo...
Self-care is important. Massages are a good form of self-care. Too bad I keep thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner.
I entered the massage room at 1:29 PM.
What follows is a near-exact account of my every thought:
1:30 PM:
So I just put my clothes in a pile right here. That looks weird. Here, I’ll put my watch on top like a bow on a present.
1:32 PM:
How long do people take to get naked and climb on a table? It feels like I’ve been in here forever.
1:33 PM:
Do my boobs always squish out to the side like that?
1:34 PM:
“Come in”? Who says that? I mean, I guess it is polite to knock, but there’s no normal response. Or is there and I just don’t know it?
1:36 PM:
Relax... Ooh, that feels great. Why don’t I do this every day?
1:37-42 PM:
Stephanie (massage therapist) is the best human being on the planet. Breathe deep. Feel every muscle. Ooooh.
1:43 PM:
...Did I make that sound out loud?
1:44 PM:
Crap. What am I making for dinner?
1:45 PM:
No thinking — you’re getting a massage. Real life not allowed right now!
1:46 PM:
There are so many muscles in the human body.
1:47 PM:
Right there. Cats know what’s up with that arched back. Yes, right there right there. Ahhhh.
1:48 PM:
GO BACK! It isn’t fixed yet.
1:49 PM:
“How’s the pressure?” she asks. Fine, I don’t know. I’m not crying or anything.
1:50 PM:
I feel bad making someone touch my body. I’m sure glad the lights are dim.
1:51 PM:
Feel your body. Feel your body. Feel your body.
1:52 PM:
I think this is the only CD she has.
1:53 PM:
Is recording ocean sounds a job? I could be good at that.
1:54 PM:
Stephanie has the softest hands in the universe.
1:55 PM:
I wish my bed at home had a face hole.
1:56-2:01 PM:
She’s going to make me flip over soon, isn’t she. That seems like a lot of work. That means we’re half done.
Why didn’t I book a 90-minute massage? Half an hour here goes a hell of a lot faster than normal. I wonder if Albert Einstein considered that when he was exploring relativity.
Probably not.
2:02 PM:
Sink into your spine, feel your breath.
2:03 PM:
Ooooooooooooooooooo...
2:04-2:10 PM:
Is it wrong to love someone you are paying to treat you well? What is love, really?
I love you, Stephanie.
2:11 PM:
What are you doing to my hand? Holy hell, that is the greatest feeling I’ve ever experienced.
2:12 PM:
No, don’t start working on my neck. I know what that means. It feels amazing, don’t get me wrong, but this is the beginning of the end.
2:13 PM:
No wonder my neck hurts all the time. That can’t be normal.
2:14 PM:
You could kill me so easily right now.
2:15 PM:
Stop thinking. Enjoy. Relax. Let go.
2:16 PM:
Be in the moment. Stop it, Eliana, don’t think about picking up the kids.
2:17 PM:
You’re right, Stephanie, those shoulder muscles do wrap around my clavicle. How did I not realize that before now?!
2:18 PM:
I know what you’re doing: You are trying to center me.
Stop it! I’ll give you anything to keep going. Please! Please!
2:19 PM:
You’re done. I know. I will try to be an adult about this. But I don’t want to. I want to jump off this bed.
...Well, not jump. I’m pretty relaxed.
2:20 PM:
What would happen if I just didn’t get up and get dressed right now? How long would they let me doze hear before saying something?
2:21 PM:
Every inch of me feels amazing.
2:22 PM:
Why are clothes so hard to put on? I’ll just stick my bra in my purse. Too much effort.
2:23 PM:
Yes, I’ll be sure to drink lots of water.
2:24 PM:
Can you add a 50% tip? (Maybe that’s a bit excessive… Nah.) No wonder they don’t have people pay for their appointments in advance.
Yes, I’d like to make an appointment for two weeks from now.
2:25-4:45 PM:
Remember that one time, when Stephanie took away every ache and pain? That was last week, right?
Just a few hours ago? How is that possible?
I NEED YOU, STEPHANIE!
