Max! In the bath! With bubbles!
Sometimes the internet can be downright shocking — ok a lot of the time, but who’s keeping track.
Today, for example. I saw this:
I know. It’s outrageous.
No, no, not the video. THE COMMENTS.
And those aren’t even the most vile.
I originally stumbled upon the vid via mamamia.com, an Australian site devoted to all things mothering. They shared the video and a short article on their facebook page here.
Please do take a brief moment to peruse the comment section. I’ll wait...
Yes, I’m still here.
And yes, people are still awful.
Baby wash villian. OBVS.
God forbid a baby that can stand up STANDS UP.
What does that even MEAN? Phew here I thought no one was going to be racist. THANKS FOR NEVER LETTING ME DOWN, INTERNET.
Maybe it’s anonymity of the interwebz, maybe it’s just that Facebook commenters aren’t the kindest, maybe everyone was just having a REALLY BAD DAY — or at least like 97% of people.
Would you care to hear what I thought when I saw that video? Of course you would (I’m telling you anyway). I thought, “Oh hm. What an interesting use of a hand mixer! Genius. Oh perhaps they aren’t to be used in water where they might be dropped. I wonder. Glad there are circuit breakers. Oh you know what? A bath sounds really lovely. I wonder if I have an epsom salts. Oh then I’ll have that bear claw I’ve been saving.”
That sums it up.
Would you care to hear what I did not think? I’m telling you anyway. Thoughts that did NOT go through my mind:
- She is using Johnson & Johnson baby bath. UGH. She obviously hates her baby and the environment.
- She is stupid.
- The father is stupid.
- She/the father should just put themselves in the tub.
- Some people shouldn’t be parents.
- That woman must be the nanny (Because she’s… young? Asian? WHAT?)
I am sorry to report that those thoughts DID apparently go through the minds of the many many relentless commenters who have apparently never done anything even remotely questionable for the entire world to witness.
Tuesday I wrote about #noshameparenting. I believe what I said then, and I’ll say it again now. Shaming is making this whole parenting thing SO MUCH HARDER than it has to be.
Here is a mother bathing her baby, making bubbles for said baby. Here is a father taking a video of the baby (Max!), with his wife who is bathing the baby, in a bathtub, with water, and soap.
THERE ARE PEOPLE BRUTALLY ABUSING THEIR CHILDREN. Does that make you a wee bit squirmy? SORRY. That's happening. Probably in your neighborhood.
And people are harassing a woman for A BATH OF IMMERSION-MIXER BUBBLES.
Oh I’m so sorry I can’t live up to the apparently widely-held parenting standard of never ever making a questionable choice ever. Oh and while we are discussing it, I am also sorry that I am such a lousy human being, that I would pollute the environment with Johnson & Johnson baby bath (the most purchased baby bath IN THE HISTORY OF BABY BATH). Perhaps you’d like to overnight me your handmade organic non-GMO pesticide/hormone/petroleum free handmade breastmilk kale chia kombucha soap (leave out the kombucha, it’s fermented). No? Ok then SHUSH.
Seriously it’s stuff like this that makes the internet look bad.
Alternative responses to this video might include:
- DAMN that is a cute baby.
- What kind of bubble bath is that? It is SO SUDSY.
- I love your accent. Are you Australian?
- Oh hey, I have one of those immersion blenders too. I think maybe they aren’t waterproof?
- This video is hilarious.
I talked with Max’s dad Loz yesterday evening (because they live like on the other side of the world. Hi Loz!). And here is what Loz said, “I’m sure you’ll appreciate it doesn't take much for her to feel under assault.”
Oh what’s that? She feels UNDER ASSAULT? I wonder why. Why would she feel under assault when someone says, “anddd there ya have it...idiots like the mother in the picture are the reason there are warning labels on every friggin thing.” Well hey Allison Miletto, thanks for your completely unsolicited opinion. BYE FELICIA (Allison, whatever).
He also said — because he is a kind and compassionate person who wishes no ill-will — "To be honest, I think it's an extension of people's built-in tendency to care for children and protect them. It's the same thing that causes people to make snide comments in the playground, amplified and boosted by the impersonal nature of the internet. Most of it comes from a good place, it just comes out ugly, and some of the anger is just unbelievable. And people just loooove to share their outrage on the internet, so you can get a bit of a "stacks on" effect."
See: Kind. Compassionate.
Final thoughts from Loz, "She's a brilliant mum, I couldn't ask for a happier family and he's a dynamo of a kid. Would we do it again? No. Fair call. But we're certainly not gonna keep an OSHA checklist to run playtime by, and I feel a little sorry for people that do."
Oh well, how about that. Happy people in a happy family. CRAZYTALK.
Final thought from me: How about we not do this anymore ever. K? Thanks.
Oh and here's another thing Loz did (you know, when he wasn't being a terrible moron of a father). It's a magical musical fart and it's probably, definitely worth at least one minute of your day.