Back to the Future 10/21/15
Gloves. Suspenders. Bright colors. Mismatching prints. If nothing else, you can’t go wrong there.
Great Scott, everyone! We are now in… the future.
Since a lot has changed from this morning, or even from a moment ago at 4:28pm, we here at Ravishly thought it would be helpful to provide a guide to fashion in this new era. Here are some dos and don’ts for this exciting new time to be alive:
DO:
Combine hardcore hairspray and gel together to hold your bangs in perfect, pointy loveliness. If you don’t have bangs, please go get them. Pointy, sectioned bangs are a staple of future style. Honestly, we are ashamed we even have to remind you. It’s not like you didn’t have warning. We suggest Aqua Net as the hairspray of choice. We hear you can get it at the retro kitsch store in Café 80s.
Continue wearing your jeggings. I mean, they’ll fit best into your Nike Air Mags. Also, maxi dresses or skirts? What if they get caught on your hoverboard? Safety is paramount.
I know it is really difficult to find the shirts with the hard casings over your breasts, ladies. I know. They are sold out everywhere as people in the know bought all they could find to stay ahead of the trends. Might we suggest making it yourself? Pinterest has tons of hacks, most of which involve some sort of sports ball. Softballs, volleyballs – no matter what your cup size, there’s something out there for you to DIY your fashion forward look!
The underbust corsets made from iridescent material are ON POINT. Wear it over everything.
Belts. OMG get all the chain belts and put them everywhere. Your waist. Looped around your shirt. This will never be wrong.
I don’t even understand why you are not wearing giant dangly earrings yet. It’s like you don’t even care about this new time. I can’t.
You’ve heard of statement necklaces, but forget the long and dangly. You need a statement choker in your life. Maybe you can use the long dangly ones as makeshift belts? You don’t want to wear something so hopelessly out of touch in the wrong way.
Paint something on your face. This is exactly what that lip liner you got once as a freebie has been waiting for. While the over and under one eye thing is popular, might I also suggest random robot like designs? Lightly powder over them so they don’t smudge or smear!
Hats and helmets are HUGE now. Shiny metal helmets are both practical and on fleek. Don’t think you can just throw some tinfoil on an existing helmet, either. It crumples too much. This is an investment, and insanely heavy, but WORTH IT. A matching knee pad completes the look! It says, “Don’t fuck with me while I’m hoverboarding” but with style.
Gloves. Suspenders. Bright colors. Mismatching prints. If nothing else, you can’t go wrong there.
DON’T:
Come around here in some 80s fashion.
Ride your hoverboard over water. They don’t work there! Also avoid Courthouse Square – they’re still prohibited. Plus, Biff is always hanging out there, and he and his gang are real assholes.
It’s a pretty easy transition, really, and we are sure that you will LOVE the new styles. Think of a toddler randomly grabbing outfits and then accessorize to be fresh to death.
I hope I see most of you at tonight’s showing of Jaws 19! I hear it’s the best in the franchise. I’m going to get some popcorn and Pepsi Perfect and have the BEST NIGHT EVER!
