Pride Sidewalk
Happy Pride Week, friends! We're celebrating here at Ravishly. Sadly, we have no crosswalk to paint (and we'd probably get in trouble for it anyway) but I’m here to do what I can.
I’m a straight, cisgender woman — which means I was born with XX chromosomes, and I like men (mostly just the one guy). I don’t know what it’s like to be LGBTQ*, but I do know that a lot of straight/cis people want to advocate but aren’t sure what that looks like. When you’re not immersed in the LGBTQ community it can be hard to know how to help and support folks. So I rounded up my friends — Twitter, Facebook, actual in-front-of-me people — and asked them to tell me what is helpful, and what is NOT. (Rainbow socks: Fun? Yes. Helpful? Not so much.) May I present:
5 Things Friday, Pride edition: How to love and support your LGBTQ friends and acquaintances — without being an ass.
1. Assumptions. Don’t make them.
Bisexuality is not a “stepping stone” to being gay. It’s not a “phase.” It’s not something people just feel when they are young or in college.
Polyamorous people are not horny sexual deviants. Just because they have sex with more than one person does not mean they are engaging in risky behavior. They aren't "swingers" (this is a designation they want to make, poly and swinging aren't the same thing). They aren't tromping around. They are essentially just like everyone else — only more partners.
Queer does not mean ‘weird.’ It is misunderstood. Go read about it over there. Seriously.
There are more than three stops on the sexual orientation train (thanks to Melissa Fabulous Fabello for that one!). We typically think: straight, gay, bi. Nope. Don’t make assumptions about sexuality. Ever. Here is a great video from Trent and Luke discussing 16 varying sexual orientations (told you there were more than three).
2. On parenting and children.
Just because someone is in a homosexual/pansexual/asexual relationship doesn’t mean A. They don’t want kids or B. They want to adopt. There are lots of routes to parenthood. Maybe they’ll offer that information, maybe they won’t. It’s not really any of your damn business either way. If they are lesbians, don't ask which one is going to be the mommy or which one is going to "have the baby." If they want you to know, they'll tell you.
3. DO NOT say any of the following:
I can’t believe I have to write this but my friends tell me I do.
Are you a “gold star” lesbian? (I had to look that up.)
Are you a lipstick lesbian? (Do you mean do I like lipstick)
Are you the man/woman in your relationship? (Um... how about human.)
You’re too pretty/handsome to be gay. (What the fuck does that even mean?)
Are you the bottom/top/pitcher/catcher? (I don’t even play baseball.)
Seriously, if you are even thinking about saying any of that, just close your mouth and walk away. Now.
4. Advocating means lifting others up, not projecting over them.
Straight/cis people, the movement isn’t about you. Speak with your friends and help them speak. Spread the word. Support and help. But remember, if you are not LGBTQ, you can’t empathize. You don’t get head pats or a blue ribbon for saying, “Oh I like gay people. I have a gay friend.” Work with your LGBTQ friends for them, not you.
5. Pride is only one week. LGBTQ is every day.
Even though Pride is over for you (straight/cis person), don’t forget Pride is everyday for your LGBTQ friends. Make sure you speak kindly, be helpful when/where you can, advocate everyday by busting stereotypes and educating the unaware. Practice acceptance, tolerance, and love. Always.
In cake and Pride,
joni
*For a handy list of terms used in the LGBTQ community, see here.
