Maybe you were feeling a little too confident this week — a little too put-together or in control of your life. It’s OK, it happens to all of us from time to time. You take a break from fashion magazines and celebrity websites, and before you know it, you begin to feel like you’re a competent, productive, adequate human being. Luckily, even if you’re underserved by mass media and glossy magazines, you can still find ways to bring your confidence down a notch. By using Pinterest, you can get back to feeling inadequate in no time. Just follow these easy steps:
1. Remember that you forgot to contour your clavicles.
Without applying heavy cosmetics to your clavicles, how will anyone know that you have collarbones?
2. Regret that you failed your child by not packing a lunch with tiny faces on it.
After all, without adorable animals and tiny roses made from painstakingly formed tomato-and-cheese flowers, how will your child get adequate nutrition?
3. Admit the great failure of your nail art.
Having nails is not enough. Painting those nails is also not enough — your nails should be individual works of art, and each must contribute to a panoramic scene (preferably one that includes a bird).
4. Have a look at your Mason jars.
You do have Mason jars, don’t you? Have you tinted them, hung them, made light fixtures from them, and done at least 100 individual craft projects with them?
Do you even own 100 Mason jars? Go ahead. We’ll wait while you count.
5. Now it’s time to address your shoes.
You bought those shoes, didn’t you? You didn’t even try to crochet them yourself out of multicolored pieces of yarn. Barbaric.
6. Have you photographed your infant on a large piece of tulle today?
Do you even own a large piece of tulle?
7. Count the products in your morning skincare routine.
If you applied fewer than 10 items to your complexion, your face is in the wrong.
And we sure hope you didn’t use your concentrated ampoule before your essential essence, or you’ll have to start over.
8. Is the chair you’re sitting on now constructed from a wood pallet?
Why not? It’s so easy.
9. When you lie down to sleep tonight, ask yourself: why haven’t I constructed my own mattress?
There’s really no excuse for sleeping on anything you haven’t personally filled with buckwheat hulls.
10. It’s OK. At least you can bake individual servings of cake in under five minutes.
Anybody can make a cake in five minutes.
