Raise your hand if you’ve ever said, “ugh, they were awful in bed. They couldn’t even get me off!”
Did you raise your hand? I did. Too bad: you and I are both horrible people.
Orgasms can’t be turned on like a faucet people. It takes some work. And by “work” I mean using big girl words and communicating your needs. Loud and clear. It's sad but true: sometimes the fireworks just. won’t. come. (Get it?) Other times, those poprockets would be streaming 'cross the sky if you just accepted some cold hard truths.
Alright, I’m going to drop some knowledge: men and women aren’t mind readers (OK, maybe some ladies are). Just saying “oh baby” repeatedly while he does the ol’ in-out and expecting a scream-worthy reward isn't fair. To put it more eloquently:
“I've never understood this concept that our lovers are supposed to "give" us an orgasm, like a present in a nicely wrapped box, and that if they don't, they're a “bad” lover.” – Honey B. Temple
That's right—channel you're inner Britney and work bitch. You gotta earn that orgasm! Articulate your desires and express your turn-ons (and offs), which, yes, takes a degree of vulnerability. But faking it is a damn lie and pretty much guarantees you'll never get the big O you've been pining for.
Yes. Maybe it’s okay for a one-nighter. You don't need to spend the whole damn night explaining that you need "a little poke in the bum with your index finger but only at the end when I'm reallyreally close!" Because sex is fun even if you don’t reach the big O. But if you’re in a relationship—or gearing up to become an "item"—sexual compatibility is a big deal. And if you're not honest about what your kinks are, you'll never discover whether you're actually compatible or not.
And of course—you guessed it—research shows that a radically awesome sexual relationships are directly correlated to happier relationships overall. This means that if the sex starts to dwindle, so does your happy-o-meter. So even if you have to bust out some toys to reach nirvana, it’s well worth the fleeting, blush-inducing moment when you reach for your rabbit Putin butt plug.
Sure, being vulnerable in that sense (or any sense really) is scary stuff. But we're willing to venture that this fright is good—it makes the prize that much sweeter. If you’re in love, it’s an amazing opportunity to bond. And if you’re having fun, it's opportunity to hone and verbalize your sexual authenticity. Don’t sell yourself (or your boo) short.
Image: Think she's going to keep quiet? Hell no. Courtesy of Lies Thru a Lens, Flickr
