While we languish in this mortal coil, we all come up with ideas to live by—bits of wisdom we’ve picked up along the way that maybe we’ll pass on to our grandchildren. The 36th President of the United States—and current media hotspot—Lyndon Johnson was no exception: he carved out rules for coping with life and the presidency, broken down here into 5 convenient categories:
Daily facts of life:
“Always be sure to have 25 percent cotton in your undershirts; otherwise your titties will itch.”
“Before getting into a motorcade, always go to the bathroom and pee.”
On judging character:
"Never trust a man whose eyes are too close to his nose.
"The fact that a man is a newspaper reporter is evidence of some flaw of character.”
“No member of our generation who wasn't a Communist or a dropout in the thirties is worth a damn.”
On navigating politics:
"When you are handshaking on the campaign trail, never let the other fellow grab your hand first—grab his hand and elbow and throw him past.”
"Remember the CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn't let them into the family brokerage business.”
"You have got to give a man a good reason to vote with you. Don't try to force him. A man can take a little bourbon without getting drunk, but if you hold his mouth open and pour in a quart, he's going to get sick on it."
On Interpersonal relations:
"When things haven't gone well for you, call in a secretary or a staff man and chew him out. You will sleep better and they will appreciate the attention."
"Don't tell a man to go to Hell unless you can send him there.”
“If you let a bully come in your front yard, he'll be on your porch the next day and the day after that he'll rape your wife in your own bed.”
On Retaining Humility:
“If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: 'President Can't Swim.'”
“While you're saving your face, you're losing your ass.”
Words to ponder from a call-it-like-to-see-it Texan. Here’s to hoping you’ll always be able to save both your face and your ass. (Image: commons.wikimedia.org)
